Dear Anita,

Thank you for your reply. I am surprised that you reread the last post. I did not realize that I left out many details due to my emotional state at the time. My parents only officially divorce when I was 14, we never saw him again afterwards until the news of his death. My father started to beat me at the age of 7, he only stopped when I turned 12 (my memory is a bit fuzzy since I only recently started to remember things related to the abuse). When I was 10, he molested me during my sleep (which he tried a second time but was not successful since I have become wary of him) luckily I was able to escape after struggling through kicks and punches. I used to hide outside (rain or shine) until my siblings came home (my mom is rarely at home due to work). After sometime, I became suicidal, I started to harm myself. One day, as I climbed up the balcony rail to actually end my life, my youngest brother called out to me asking what I was doing. That’s when it hit me, how my death would affect my little bro so I decided to suppress all the emotions that I had including the memory of molest. The memories only started to resurfaced only a few years ago. I never understood why I was scared of boys (never dated until I met my ex) nor why I couldn’t form proper bonds with people around me. Unexpectedly the breakup help me open my eyes to the problems I never knew I had.

What can I do to break free from this cycle of aggression?

Lutie