Dear Anita,

Thank you for your advice. I will try to avoid her from now on.

I could really blame them for the cold stare since I never told my mom and siblings regarding the molestation. Only a few months ago, I open up to my mom and my youngest brother regarding the topic. My brother asked me why I never told him about it until now, why I kept everything to myself and suffered alone. While my mom tried to defend my dad by saying he was a good man, that he was a victim of abuse himself which turned him into a different person at times. Then she questioned whether I imagined the whole thing, if it did happen I should just forget about it and move on since his not around anymore (why blame a deceased person). I was quite shock when she said that to me (although she did try to comfort me), I only wanted to hear her say that it wasn’t my fault. I felt even worse when she blames herself for being the breadwinner of the house, how it was all her fault for trying to raise a family etc (I felt she was guilt tripping me to stop the conversation which it worked). I never blamed her for anything in my life (I do blame her for siding with my sister more, and myself ), since she was abused by dad and his side of the family (when they were living in the same house).

Today my sister just said ‘sorry’ then walked away (what she always does), I pointed out to her that it was not a proper apology without changed behavior, she would frown then ignore me by walking away. I overheard her complain to mom what she did wrong, why I could not forgive her even after she said sorry, which she continue to say how resentful I was for not being able to give another chance to her and that she could not see what she did wrong (Yep, they were talking next to the living room how can I not hear anything).

I wonder why people who hurt another never seem to retain any memories of the incident yet the victims delve in the memories of the hurt (a book explained how the brain is more likely to store memories associated with strong emotions due to the adrenaline hormones being release during the experience).

Do you think it would help her understand about how I feel by telling her about what she did in the past till now? (I know this is fruitless, but I feel like telling her so that I could let go of the idea of changing/understanding her)

Lutie