Dear Felix:

Ever since you first posted in July 2019 and all the way to now, I read all of your 25 threads and I communicated with you at length in the past. I also read, over time, the 11 pages of your most recent thread (your posts and the replies that you received).

I understand that it helps you to feel better for a short time when you  type away your frustrations into the computer screen, and it helps you to feel better for a short time when you receive replies that you like. But although suggestions for help you beyond the temporary-feel-better have been offered to you, you accepted none. The core problems that often make you feel bad remained unchanged ever since your very first thread more than 2 years ago.

Earlier, when communicating with you, I compared your obsessions to itches that need to be scratched. When I realized that all I was doing when communicating with you was to scratch your itches and nothing more- I stopped communicating with you. I will elaborate on the imagery: in your threads, particularly evident in your still ongoing 11 page thread, this is what’s been happening- (1) you feel itchy and uncomfortable so you present members with your itch: here is my Girl Itch.. here is my Regret Itch.. here is my Height Itch, etc., (2) a member replies, and in doing so, scratching your itch, (3) your itch having been scratched, you feel better and you thank the member for.. scratching your itch, (4) you get itchy again and present members with another itch (Regret and Height are two main itchy themes)…  and on and on it goes. In my mind, I’ve been thinking of your threads as The Itchy and Scratchy Show.

Your itchiness is your overthinking aka obsessive thinking. I suggested earlier that you see a medical doctor for medical treatment for your obsessive thinking. There are medications that help a lot of people with obsessive thinking, maybe those can help you too.

I can see the use of psychotherapy for you as well. In psychotherapy, perhaps you can be helped to (1) accept your height as what it is (5’5”), as well as to accept all that you cannot change about yourself and your life, (2) change your false core belief that people are conspiring to make you feel bad for your height, that the world is not against you.. when it is not so, (3) look into the Regret Theme and resolve it, (4) change what is possible for you to change in yourself and in your life.

I am not interested of course, to return to The Itchy and Scratchy Show. It would make me feel  bad to think of myself as a Scratcher, one who scratches itches of another person.. quite a humiliating task, for me. And so, the above two suggestions (seeing a medical doctor and seeing a psychotherapist) are all I have in mind to suggest to you. These two things can calm your itchiness/ obsessive thinking long-term: wouldn’t that be wonderful…?

anita