Dear Charity,

I don’t know why exactly your husband doesn’t want to invite his friend to your house. There can be a number of reasons, maybe even that his friend is a womanizer and that’s why he wants to keep him away from you. Or he might be using bad language or makes inappropriate comments, or something like that. So the reason might be that he doesn’t want to embarrass himself in front of you for having such a dumb or impolite friend… who knows. The problem is that you immediately jump into conclusions that there is something wrong with you:

I feel hard to love. I feel worthless. I feel like I’ll never be with anyone that can love me and respect me the way I believe a wife should be. Am I being dumb? What is so wrong with me?

The reason for this is I believe your childhood wound. This is from your previous thread:

Because I am pro-choice and support gay marriage and people living their lives the way they want my brother and his wife have said they do not want me around them or their children. It’s been over a year (almost two years) since I have had any contact with them. I feel like I should have healed and accepted this by now, yet my daily thoughts always go back to their rejection. Almost like I cannot allow myself to be happy until I am accepted by them. None of it makes sense to me though. I love them but every time I was around them I was the butt of the jokes. I always left in tears and feeling less than because my brother loved to make fun of me so much. I am constantly telling myself that this is the week I focus on being happy and finding joy in my life yet my thoughts always go back to the rejection and the raw pain I still feel.

You feel rejected by your family, believing there is something wrong with you. And now you feel rejected by your husband too.

You said about your ex husband:

I spent 12 years begging him to respect me and love me and be honest with me but he could never do that. My emotions were funny to him.

Again, you were begging him to respect you and couldn’t leave him for 12 years, and I think it’s because a part of you believed you don’t deserve respect.

So I believe you’d need to work on healing that wound – of being undeserving of love and less than.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Tee.