Dear Speaklow:

Welcome to the forums as a member, but I wish it was in better circumstances. You shared that you are 32, in a toxic, painful, beyond-salvaging relationship with a 39 year old separated-but-not-divorced man and father of two young children who is also your business partner in two businesses, one which includes a third partner.  Your work ethics are excellent and his are poor. You are responsible, he is not. You are busy working hard, he is busy criticizing and making false accusations against you, being “cold, distant, even mean“.

Here is my input following reading your two posts: this man is not your friend. I don’t think that it would be wise of you to trust him to any extent, not in a personal relationship and not in a business relationship. The fact that he’s been accusing you of backstabbing him leads me to think that he may be preparing himself to.. backstab you back, feeling justified in doing so.  I think that you need to do all that you can do to legally and financially protect yourself from him as soon as possible.

Regarding the personal romantic relationship with him, it makes me think of a movie I saw long ago, called Sleeping with The Enemy. Better stay awake,  keep your eyes open and guard your purse.

“My heart is heavy, my eyes are swollen, and my tissue box is running low — if I am the horrible partner he is making me out to be, then why didn’t he leave, and why am I finding it so hard to leave?“- try to postpone your emotional reactions to the personal aspect of your relationship for later, and focus now on disentangling the business aspect of the relationship as calmly and as business-like as you can.

“I need advice on how I can approach the end of our personal relationship as well. It may seem cold and calculating“- please be cold and calculating for as long as you are still entangled with him financially.

“What can I say or do, that will lessen the pain and hurt for him that this will cause? I still love and care for him, even if he does not anymore“- to lessen his pain in regard to the business aspect of the relationship: keep yourself cold and calculating so that you are mentally and practically able to separate from him financially in ways that are fair for you, but also fair to him.

To lessen his pain in regard to the romantic aspect of the relationship: don’t go back and forth between expressing affection for him on one hand, and anger on the other. Instead, be consistently and politely .. calm and calculated, and.. don’t sleep with the enemy!

anita