Dear Ryan,

you are welcome.

I do feel that I’m “worthy” of being loved and praised.

Do you? You said you feel like garbage.

Where I selfishly erred was not telling her from the start that I would be leaving.

I know my selfishness or unwillingness to be truthful with her from the start allowed her to develop strong feelings for me.

Here you also say you are selfish and manipulative (unwillingness to be truthful).

Do you really love and value yourself, believing these things about yourself?

Another thing I notice is that in this relationship too, like in your previous relationship, you wanted to be a “positive influence” in the woman’s life (“While I wanted to be a positive influence in her life”,  “I’ve shown her a bit of what’s possible”). You stayed with her even though you knew you would be leaving and you also knew that she isn’t “what you truly want”. So you thought she could still profit from your “positive influence”, even if you knew you would be leaving her sometime down the road.

I see a dichotomy here: on one hand you believe you’re praise-worthy and in fact so wonderful that it’s better you stay with a woman whom you intend to leave, so she could benefit from your presence. On the other hand, you believe you are like garbage, selfish and will cause disappointment sooner or later. So it seems to me there is an inflated, superior sense of self, and an inferior, self-deprecating sense of self, both living in you simultaneously.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Tee.