Andi,

I am going through my journey of letting someone so important to me. From what I read, it feels like you were the patient one in the relationship/friendship and always went out of your way to make sure that you stayed friends.  unfortunately, we do all these things with good intentions but end up neglecting ourselves and showing these people that we care about that we are not valuable and can be treated whichever way.

This too was my crime. I am constantly going out of my way to be kinder to people in the hope that they will inherently feel obligated to return that kindness. Unfortunately, however, we can not control how people behave towards us. How we react to their betrayal if I may call it that is all up to us.  and at this point is the only thing we can control.

I am learning slowly but surely that :

1. Never force a relationship or a friendship

2. the minute you find yourself ignored by anyone, don’t bother them again.  if they have something to say or miss you, they will reach out.  this is especially true if you have not disagreed. call once, call twice, be nice and add a third one just to make sure you are not being paranoid.  if all 3 attempts produce the same result, let it go.

let them go, let the friendship/relationship go.  The truth is there are very few kind human beings on this earth and if you have done your best to be a decent human being walk off with your head held high and with no apologies.

3. Never offer anyone kindness with the expectation of receiving the same kindness. if you are gonna be kind just do it because that’s who you are with no expectations of reciprocation. while doing all this, constantly remind yourself of your worth, develop a healthy relationship with yourself, acknowledge both your positives and your flaws and accept them. no one is perfect and neither are you.

4. Never put off any feeling that is uncomfortable about anyone or situation. that’s our internal warning system. Address it and communicate your concerns to the other person.  this is the only way we can get to the bottom of what’s happening and will also allow us to understand the other person’s perspective. this will then allow you to make an informed decision about what is next.

This is what I have learned so far in my journey.

I hope it is of help.

Regards,

Elizabeth