Dear Emma,

I agree with Sarah – he is manipulating you to get what he wants. He seems to have found a way to trick you into having sex without your consent:

And I observed with him, a series of manipulation… at first he would not stop when I said no, and keeps trying. Then his words don’t match his actions in the moment, he reassures me the opposite of what he is doing. Then if I say no, he asks for innocent things first and works his way up to what he wants like a ladder.

Each time I did not know what happened until 24 hours later, I have flashbacks to the night before and I confront him. And he says it was a mistake, he was caught up in the moment and now he knows better.

He says he knows better, but he keeps doing it, as it happened multiple times. He can’t say he is dumb or inexperienced, if he keeps repeating the same pattern, consciously.

The only thing that bothers me is he seems to never consider my opinion,

This is a big red flag. He doesn’t consider either your opinion, or your wish to not have sex and to go slowly. He doesn’t care about you. He only cares about himself. The following just proves it further:

He wanted me to be in the same mood as him all the time, he couldn’t tolerate it if he was outgoing and I was tired, or he was stressed and I was not.

It’s all about him and none about you. He is using your vulnerability and your trauma to hurt you even more.

I asked him then – are you sure, this is what you want, to be with someone who needs to go slow physically. And he said yes, it is my choice.

Is it his choice then to repeatedly hurt you, to cross your boundaries and then pretend he got caught up in the moment? Maybe it’s like a game for him, where he is proving to himself that he can manipulate a woman into doing his bid? I don’t know his reasons, but what’s for sure, you are getting hurt in it. So as Sarah said, please get out…

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Tee.