Dear Elizabeth:

On September 15, on another thread, you wrote: “I sort of learnt early in  life that people tend to use your weakness and especially your pain against you“. Today, you wrote: “my parents were the type who would use your pain to manipulate you into submitting into acting in a certain way or to them“-

-your parents used your pain and weakness against you, to manipulate and hurt you. No wonder you did the following: “I kept putting Bandages all over my heart. I tucked away and swept everything under a carpet“- you hid what your parents used and could use against you, including your bleeding heart.

“my parents had very little regard for my opinion and even less interest in getting to learn about who exactly I was and my thoughts..  constantly accusing me of sleeping with any guy I made friends with..  they had sexually objectified me“-

-your parents were not interested in your intellect or in your heart, other than to use what they find against you. They didnt value you as a worthy person. They thought of you as a sexual object..  for men out there.

You wrote regarding men: “I found out pretty early in life how frustrating it is to try and get someone to notice your intellect when their focus is on your body. That offended me so much“-it offended you so much that your own parents did not notice or care to get to know your intellect, your heart, that they tried to hurt you, and that they viewed you as an object: a something.. not a Someone.

“I would give men who found me physically appealing a chance all in the hope that I would win them over with my genuineness and kindness into seeing me as much more than a sexual object.  That they would see me as a person worth taking seriously and not some sexual object“- you are trying to resolve your troubled relationship with your parents by proxy, men being substitutes to your parents: trying to win your parents over with kindness, trying to make your parents see you as a person worth taking seriously!

“I always felt like I had to find the worst guy to fall for me to feel worthy… I find it very hard to forgive myself for allowing these types of men in my life. And therein lies my biggest problem. I am so much better than these men“- it is not your fault that you had .. the worst parents: ones who did not value their own daughter as more than a sexual object (to men out there). It is not your fault that you tried to fix this reality by choosing men who are like your parents, and then..  trying to change them into loving parents who would value you as a person with intellect and a heart, value you enough to not use your heart and weakness against you! You are indeed much better than your parents.

anita