Dear Elizabeth:

“Maybe her lack of love could be a result of the fact that she didn’t love your father but simply saw him as a meal ticket”– although she admired women who did use men as a meal ticket, or more precisely as a way to live in luxury (she expressed such when watching tv series such as Dallas and Dynasty), she herself felt too inferior to follow this path, her self-esteem was too low.  My father was a waiter, so he served meals, but was not a .. meal ticket. She divorced him when I was 5 or 6 and proceeded to work very hard cleaning people’s homes and offices, her hands raw from using hard detergents scrubbing sinks and toilets and such. It was very, very sad for me to watch over the years, broke my heart to hear her complain about her body hurting and the shame she felt doing what she believed to be shameful work.

“I have felt unloved most of my life, to be honest. And a part of me feels like that’s why I have been so desperately trying to find it. I feel restless, like am just floating in the air“- I think that love grounds us, so that we no longer float in the air. We need to feel solid ground under our feet, and love is solid ground, when it is a stable love, love we can count on.

“I am heartbroken. some days are better than others. I know that feeling you have, never completely goes away. But I hope it gets to a point where it’s no longer disruptive to your life“- I would like to read more about “that feeling you have” and the thoughts that accompany that feeling…?

anita