Dear Isabel,

I agree you shouldn’t tell your husband because it would only make things worse. You’ve realized you don’t want to pursue the affair with your colleague and you drew the line.

Based on your words, it seems to me you’re not too happy with your husband:

i do love my husband but he is not always the easiest of people to live with. He has high expectations from me and is very controlling over money and what we spend it on. I guess after being in lock down it was nice to get attention from someone else and I got carried away.

If your husband is often critical of you (He has high expectations from me) and controlling (is it just about the finances or other things too?), no wonder you crave for some positive attention sometimes.

I am a loyal and honest person and it goes against what I believe by being disloyal. The only way I can justify it is that I need it at the time, but then I just feel selfish.

Yes, you needed a positive, non-judgmental attention, which might be very different from what you’re getting from your husband? And it appears you feel selfish for having justified needs…? Of course, it doesn’t mean you should try to meet your emotional needs by getting into affairs, but I believe you should examine your relationship with your husband a bit better, and how much you’re allowed to be free, specially to enjoy life, spend money on things you like etc, without having to worry about every penny, and feeling restricted in general.