Dear Isabel,

you are welcome.

I think this situation has made me realise that I do love my husband but perhaps there is some work to do in our marriage.

There probably is some work in your marriage, since you earlier said that he is very controlling around money and has high expectations of you. You haven’t said anything else about your marriage, but it seems to me you are blaming yourself excessively for everything that happened, and freeing him from any responsibility.

I have also realised that I need to look for happiness from him and not from someone else.

What if he cannot give you happiness and joy, at least the way he is now?

I just feel like he deserves better than me

This is the problem: your lack of self-worth. You believe you are bad and worthy of judgment, and probably he is quite judgmental (“has high expectations of you”), and this is the dynamic you are in. Maybe he is blaming you for spending too much, or for not being good enough in this or that way. And you believe him, because that’s what you believe about yourself (and this, as you said, stems from your childhood).

He would never forgive me though I no that for 100% certain. Truth and honesty is what he is about.

If he would never forgive you, that tells something about him, doesn’t it? It’s all fine and good that he is about truth and honesty, but what about other qualities, such as compassion, understanding and forgiveness?

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by Tee.