Dear anita

regarding the questions you asked me:

1. I don’t have a reason to give you why ive never met his parents. He never initiated to meet them or to be in a room with them. He never talked about meeting them. And when I tried talking about that he would say because our relationship is shit he isn’t planning on meeting them with me although he was saying that his grandma loved me so much and talked so exiting about me (how, when she doesn’t know me?) and that when we were broken up his father would say come on reach her a call get back together, that actually made me suspect that he was telling me things that I like to hear, maybe they never talked about me at all. It’s weird because his brother who is now engaged has always included his girlfriend everywhere and that made me so hurt.

p.s he knew my parents he met them, he attended many of my events

2. About the fights, well 2 years ago he came from USA on 30th December and I was asking him where are we going to celebrate New Year’s Eve. And he would always like for every going out or event delay the answer or giving me unexplained answers or ignoring me so I can become angry and he would shut me down with we are not going out now because you are so impatient. That made me sick to my stomach and I still remember the feeling how he made me feel crazy for feeling upset. So to get back to the story, it was day before new years eve, first of all he didn’t call me to say that he had arrive home safely, secondly he was delaying the answer about celebrating and he just said okay we are going to make something up tomorrow. He knows that I am not that type of person who would make plans 5 to 12 because it annoys me and it was also frustrating because my parents were asking me where we will be celebrating and I couldn’t give them an answer. So fast forward 31 December came and he slept till 4 p.m. i was waiting for him to get up. So when he texted me that he is awake I immediately asked him okay what are we doing tonight? He became angry saying I am so annoying without patience, crazy and always wanting to fight and ruin everything. That made me feel awful and so angry because I’ve felt like something is not right with me. And after he hanged up on me in this call, he never wrote me back, ignored my calls for 12 hours and broke up with me so cruel and cold and left me of NYE alone sitting and crying. I get shivers by thinking of this. It was disgusting.
So, to sum up, we had fights about every date we were planning because of his laziness, not interested in it or not committed and would get angry if I get angry and cancel it. In those rare times we would go out, he would be mocking me in the conversations or if we were with friends instead of being by my side I would always feel like he is making fun out of me. And If I wanted to comfort him he would say that I am always dramatic, we would fight for hours and hours and none of our fights are solved actually. I feel like i cant Talk with him about anything. He doesn’t understand me or he doesnt care. He just made me insecure and crazy. And he had that freedom to call me whatever he wanted and to be very cruel towards me with words that he never should’ve been with me etc. And when we would stop without solving anything, he would be sweet or kind and ignoring that anything happened and never apologised. Never. In the first years of our relationship i couldn’t understand him because he would appear and disappear like we weren’t a couple so I didn’t know if we were. (That leads us to my saying that our anniversary should not be on 24 December because you were always ignoring me and we never had a 1 year  fully dating – he used that now as a reason for not celebrating). The first 2 years I was constantly texting him confused of what are we. When we met on some friends party he was very kind romantic and we would hook up and the next day was cold  ignoring my texts and he would disappear again. And when I would be fed up and continue with my life, he would come back saying he loves me and was angry because I was living my life…. awful. Just awful reminding me myself of these things. It’s catastrophic and I can’t understand why he was and still doing this to me if his intention was never to truly be with me.
p.s I often thought that I am over dramatic and jealous and awful girlfriend because nowadays  I’ve found the patterns I have from my parent’s relationship but I’ve realized that he made me feel unwanted, unsecure, unloved and my response to this not secure thing was totally normal. I wanted stability not games.