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Dear noname:
Having communicated with you for so long, since March 15, 2017 (shortly after the 6-months rare connecting experience we mentioned today), I believe that the strongest cause for your low connectivity with others and the resulting chronic loneliness and emptiness is anger. It is anger that is mixed with low self-esteem, intense frustration, low motivation, depression.
But anger is predominantly what is keeping you alone, I figure, because there are plenty of people out there, as you know, who suffer from low self-esteem and who are depressed, but have longer, uninterrupted relationships than you had. It’s the anger that cuts your relationships in their very beginning, like a pair of scissors.
There is also the issue of some of the women you got involved with, one who comes to mind was polyamorous, which is not everyone’s cup of tea.
anita