Ok I will give it a try.

I will stick with the first scenario, of my friend who was disapproving of my guest list for a party I am hosting. She spent most of the day messaging me about why I shouldn’t have a certain person there, and made it all about her. How she feels that she shouldn’t have to spend her time around people she doesn’t like. Also that if the tables were turned, she would have dropped this friend if it were me who didn’t like the person. This is a party for my child, and both of these friends have a place in my life. I told her she can make the choice to come or not come, I have the right to invite whomever I choose to my own party. This friend of mine (the one with the issue) is supposed to stay with me after the festivities and wants to “talk about it” more afterwards. It just feels as though I am waiting to get reprimanded or something and it is adding stress to what is supposed to be a happy occasion. All because she wants me not to invite a person to my own party.  So here is where I feel like a child “rebelling” I suppose. Really I just feel like I am having to push back on a pushy person and stick up for myself, which is difficult.

A scenario where I acted like a mother figure is a different friend went through a breakup, came to my house late that night, stayed here for 2 days! I tried my best to comfort her, but I also have a family, and needed to take care of my own things in life. After this breakup, she’s become distant, and unreliable. She used to be a very reliable friend, and now shows up late, doesn’t always text back, flakes out on plans, and generally just is not really there in the way she used to be. I know she is going through things, but this has been a few years of this and it has gotten worse lately. I accepted this behavior for a while but I am just over it. I don’t quite know how to express my feelings without her becoming defensive. I have tried a few times and gotten a lot of resistance.