Dear Uttej nepak:

Reads to me that you are a good son who loves his mother so much that you were willing to do a whole lot so to make her dream come true and buy her a house. You are a good work colleague, too good to be rough with subordinates, and you are too good of a human being to participate in and to benefit from political/ workplace corruption.

You courageously persisted in a job that was very, very difficult for more than two years, applying to other jobs, taking the February exam and applying again, asking people for help…  there was nothing more that you could have done to help yourself and make a good life for you and for your parents. If I was to give you a grade for all your efforts and performance, I’d give you (a U.S. grade) of A+

“I am an introvert and shy person since childhood never talked freely with anybody and made very little friends. Books and cricket are the only companions in my life since school… I am very soft” – these are not bad characteristics, these are just a mismatch in regard to having a job where extroversion, aggression and corruption are required

“I have gone into severe depression and anxiety and my suicidal tendencies have increased because of this my food and sleeping habits changed I have gained weight and started to become obese…  the girl whom I loved married someone else and because of all these things I am unable to concentrate on my work and I resigned from my job… When I resigned from… a government job my parents, relatives, friends all started to question me, and they said I am not worthy to live in this society (I too don’t want to live in this society as well)” –

– (1) your parents care about the financial benefit of having a government job more than they care about your suffering, (2) they told their good, loving, decent son that he is not worthy to live in a corrupt society (workplace politics). They didn’t tell you that a corrupt society does not deserve you!

“So now this is where I am: depressed, anxious, jobless, fat and feeling worthless and pointless in life. No confidence to face anyone so I am avoiding the society. I just like to disappear from life. I just want to end my life” – with your technical knowledge and skills, can you start the legal procedures required to immigrate to another country, the U.S perhaps, where you can have a job that is a good match for you, a job that does not require you to be extroverted, aggressive or corrupt?

I am asking because the situation you are in, in India, is not good, particularly not having anyone who has empathy for you, no one supportive of you, so it seems. Might as well leave the country altogether, what do you think?

anita