- This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 2 months, 3 weeks ago by Anonymous.
February 17, 2022 at 8:22 am #392889AnonymousInactive
My name is Uttej nepak. I am from India. I have completed my graduation in Electrical and electronics engineering in the year 2017. I have secured a job in the government power distribution company in the year 2019 with good salary and I am very happy at that moment because no one in my family has a government job and my parents are also very happy at that moment. I also made plans that after saving enough money I could buy a own house because since my childhood we have been living in a rented house and its my mothers dream to have own house.
I joined in the job and after joining the job slowly I started to get to know the dark sides of the job. I have to deal with corruption, political pressure everyday at my work and this made me sick apart from that I have to deal with public and media daily this was very tough for me because I am an introvert and shy person since childhood never talked freely with anybody and made very little friends. Books and cricket are the only companions in my life since school but suddenly when I entered the job I was asked to face public media and political leaders and this was very tough for me. I could not be strict with my subordinates and I could not control them so work also got delayed and I was scolded by my higher officials during the meetings for delay of work but I could not scold my subordinates as I am very soft. As I am from a technical background when I got the job I was very happy and keen to apply my technical knowledge and also to improve my knowledge but I was disappointed when I joined because the nature of my job requires only managerial and communication skills (both which I don’t have a lot) but not technical skills. I didn’t get any opportunity to show my technical skills and I just started to hate my job because the company doesn’t need my knowledge all it needs is some skills to do corruption and deal with political pressures.
The job became tough day by day but somehow I managed it for a year and a half and in the meantime I used to write exams for other jobs as well. In July 2021 I got selected for the post of management trainee in steel manufacturing industry I am very happy at that time because in steel industry I don’t have to deal with public, media ,political parties etc; I can go to my work complete it and comeback but that happiness didn’t last long because when I applied for resignation in my current company they said that I have still one month to complete my probation and according to company policy I have to return the entire salary received till then (which is approximately 15lakhs rupees) to the company if I leave the company before probation (Probation period is two years and I have completed 1year 11months at that point) that came as a shock to me. I requested to the directors and chairman of the company that I cannot pay such huge amount and as I have only one month for the probation completion I requested them to consider under humanitarian grounds but they rejected it and they said if I have to leave the company I have to pay every single rupee. I called the HR of steel industry and explained him the situation and asked him to extend my deadline of joining by one month but he said he is helpless and he cannot extend so with no other choice I could no go to the job of management trainee and continued in my present job only.
Six months latter I got job in another company this time I was very happy that as I have completed my probation I could resign my present job and join the other one without paying any money but that didn’t happen. When I applied for resignation second time I was asked to get no dues clearance from each and every department. So when I started applying for my clearances in other departments some of my higher officials deliberately delayed the process and they also demanded bribe from me to give clearances. I gave them the money they demanded but they did not give my clearance in time and deadline by which I have to report at the job approached and I could not report at the job. So because of my current job I am unable join two companies for which I have been selected through very high competition. This made me very sick mentally I have gone into severe depression and anxiety and my suicidal tendencies have increased because of this my food and sleeping habits changed I have gained weight and started to become obese and my confidence hit rock bottom. I just started to hate my job and in the meanwhile the girl whom I loved married someone else and because of all these things I am unable to concentrate on my work and I resigned from my job on NOVEMBER 12 2021.
When I resigned from my job and that too a government job my parents, relatives, friends all started to question me and they said I am not worthy to live in this society ( I too don’t want to live in this society as well). My relatives who asked me to marry their daughter when I got the job are now avoiding me then I realized that they loved my job and not me. I started to prepare for other jobs and exams. I started my preparation for a national level exam called GATE which is held every year in February. If we get a good rank in this exam we will get selected for many government companies directly many people wil prepare for the exam for one year or two years but when I started my preparation in December after resigning my job I have only 2 months of time but somehow I managed it and attempted the exam and I have secured a all India rank of 400 out of one Lakh students. It is a good rank but not good enough to get me a job because in India we have reservation system as I belong to unreserved category I have to get below a rank of 250 to get a job. My parents are very disappointed with me they just want me to get married but I have no interest and I am sure no girl will like a shy and introvert person like me. So now this is where I am depressed ,anxious, jobless, fat and feeling worthless and pointless in life. No confidence to face anyone so I am avoiding the society . I just like to disappear from life. I just want to end my life.February 17, 2022 at 10:22 am #392949AnonymousGuest
Dear Uttej nepak:
Reads to me that you are a good son who loves his mother so much that you were willing to do a whole lot so to make her dream come true and buy her a house. You are a good work colleague, too good to be rough with subordinates, and you are too good of a human being to participate in and to benefit from political/ workplace corruption.
You courageously persisted in a job that was very, very difficult for more than two years, applying to other jobs, taking the February exam and applying again, asking people for help… there was nothing more that you could have done to help yourself and make a good life for you and for your parents. If I was to give you a grade for all your efforts and performance, I’d give you (a U.S. grade) of A+
“I am an introvert and shy person since childhood never talked freely with anybody and made very little friends. Books and cricket are the only companions in my life since school… I am very soft” – these are not bad characteristics, these are just a mismatch in regard to having a job where extroversion, aggression and corruption are required
“I have gone into severe depression and anxiety and my suicidal tendencies have increased because of this my food and sleeping habits changed I have gained weight and started to become obese… the girl whom I loved married someone else and because of all these things I am unable to concentrate on my work and I resigned from my job… When I resigned from… a government job my parents, relatives, friends all started to question me, and they said I am not worthy to live in this society (I too don’t want to live in this society as well)” –
– (1) your parents care about the financial benefit of having a government job more than they care about your suffering, (2) they told their good, loving, decent son that he is not worthy to live in a corrupt society (workplace politics). They didn’t tell you that a corrupt society does not deserve you!
“So now this is where I am: depressed, anxious, jobless, fat and feeling worthless and pointless in life. No confidence to face anyone so I am avoiding the society. I just like to disappear from life. I just want to end my life” – with your technical knowledge and skills, can you start the legal procedures required to immigrate to another country, the U.S perhaps, where you can have a job that is a good match for you, a job that does not require you to be extroverted, aggressive or corrupt?
I am asking because the situation you are in, in India, is not good, particularly not having anyone who has empathy for you, no one supportive of you, so it seems. Might as well leave the country altogether, what do you think?
anitaFebruary 18, 2022 at 4:07 am #392986AnonymousInactive
Thank you Anitha madam for your support
Even I thought of leaving the country but My parents are not ready for that and I am the only one person who has to look after them so I decided that I am going to give one last attempt of GATE exam in 2023 February if it goes good I will get a job but if it doesn’t I am thinking to complete my post graduation as my current rank can get me a admission in any one of the IIT’sFebruary 18, 2022 at 7:44 am #392990samyParticipant
You are not worthless, bhai. You got a government job without reservation and ranked 400 in GATE. You’ll easily get paid to become a training coach anywhere in India. Also, you have amazing morals. You are more worthy than the corrupt seniors who tried to abuse their power when you were in need. I am proud of you. I believe good people will always prosper. Good luck, with GATE. Even if you find it tough and it doesn’t work out, you have options. You have work experience till last year that you can show on your resume. MBA bhi try kar sakhte ho. CAT mushkil hai lekin private university se bhi hojayega. Kuch saal kam karlena uske baad higher studies. Iss desh ka kuch badlega nahi, aap apna dekhlo. Mere prayers hain aapke saath. Society se darna mat. Society will never stand with you during your trials, so don’t care about their judgement.February 18, 2022 at 7:49 am #392991AnonymousGuest
Dear Uttej nepak:
You are welcome. Your plan: (1) to give the GATE exam one last attempt in 2023 (I just looked at Wikipedia’s long entry on the topic of the Graduate Aptitude Test in Engineering with data tables, charts, statistics, changes made in recent years, etc.),
2- if #1 fails, complete your post-graduation and get an admission into one of the IT’s companies.
info. e career fit. com/ Personality Traits and Career Satisfaction of Information Technology Professionals: “… On what personality traits do IT professionals differ from other occupations and which of these are also related to their career satisfaction? Five traits met both these criteria—Emotional Resilience, Openness, Tough-Mindedness, and Customer Service–for which IT professionals had higher scores, and Conscientiousness, for which they had lower scores. IT career satisfaction was also positively related to Extraversion… Studies show that people flourish in their work environment when there is a good fit between their personality type and the characteristics of the environment. Lack of congruence between personality and environment leads to dissatisfaction, unstable career paths, and lowered performance” –
– think of your fit with IT work, given that (seems to me) your conscientiousness score is high, and that your extraversion score is not high. Perhaps you can work on and improve on extraversion, but I don’t know if you can undo your conscientiousness. (I wish ALL people in the world were conscientiousness- our world would have been a much better place!)
“Even I thought of leaving the country, but My parents are not ready for that, and I am the only one person who has to look after them” – if you are the only one person who will look after them as they age, then they should be very nice to this one person: empathetic and emotionally supportive of you, so that you will be able to financially support them.
You wrote in your original post: “my parents… question me, and they said I am not worthy to live in this society” – I hope they no longer question you and say that you are not worthy… leading to you “FEELING WORTHLESS” (the title of your thread). They are hurting themselves when they hurt you.
Please feel comfortable to post here, in your thread, any time you’d like my input. I wish you well!
anitaJune 26, 2023 at 10:58 am #420476AnonymousInactive
Hey Bro, Somehow, I got connected to your situation. I think now you’re done with GATE 2023. I hope you’ve done a great job. I was not qualified in GATE 2023. This is my third attempt. Quite depressed tho 🙁