Dear Angel:

“How do I know trust myself again?” –

Know that no one lies all the time, even the most prolific liar in the world, sometimes tells the truth.

“I truly believed a lot of the kind and sensible things he said” – sometimes he really meant the kind and sensible things he said, I have no doubt.

When you evaluate a person, avoid the all-or-nothing thinking: people are not like the depiction of some cartoon characters: the evil/ dishonest ones are evil and dishonest all of the time with everyone, and the good/ honest ones are good and honest all of the time.

Let’s take Putin. I am sure Putin was kind to some people, but should the world think of him as a good person?

Look at the big picture of how a person affects others: the current economic and emotional suffering of millions because of Putin; the displacement, physical injuries and deaths of however many in Ukraine, so far and yet to come, in Ukraine and in the world, because of Putin, because of what he chose to do (he did not at all have to invade Ukraine)-

– in the big picture, is he a good person?

Back to the guy who hopefully was (and will not be any longer in your life): “I don’t want to feel worthless like that again… I truly believed a lot of the kind and sensible things he said” – at times he said some kind and sensible things to you. At times he comforted you, but in the big picture his dominant effect on you was your feeling of worthlessness-

in the big picture, has he been a good person to you?

When you meet a man in the future, look at everything, keep your eye and mind on the big picture.

“I feel like I gave my all and if I was simply honest and kind and patient, that would be enough to garner the same back” – this is a nice thought, a nice hope, and it sometimes happens. But it is not a good idea to expect or to assume that your honesty and kindness will be returned to you.

anita