Dear Lindsey:

First, I am glad to read that you will not be paying over $400 for the weekend trip! Second, if his response to you offering to pay “only” $200 was to cancel the trip or to suggest that you don’t get the massages (but he will)- that would have been a death sentence to the relationship, as far as I am concerned.

So, let’s look at what we have here: he has the money, he can afford treating you for a weekend vacation. Why doesn’t he? He prefers not to. Why does he prefer to go 50%-50% with you?

Ask him. Ask for his reason or reasons, no use guessing when you can ask and get his answer.

But before you ask, we can guess the reasons: (1) If he pays for you, he feels like he has less money to buy himself more expensive sunglasses, clothes, etc. (2) Paying for you makes him think that you are with him for the treats: restaurant, travel and whatnot, feeling used. Having you pay for yourself makes him think that you are with him… for him, and he doesn’t feel used, (3) He is angry at his ex-wife, and he projects her into … you, (4) He believes that men and women are equal and should treat each other as such in each and every way.

I can’t think of anything else, right now.

anita