I am quite happy that you are sharing your own feelings, thoughts and experiences. I appreciate the time and effort you have taken to discuss this with me.
I have been very lucky, to receive a lot of help. It is extremely difficult to manage these situations alone. The reason I shared these details with you is because I sensed the comparisons you were making. I wanted you to be aware that it was a matter of different circumstances and a support network in place. You did the best you could, given the lack of support and resources available.
I’m very sorry to hear that your mother threatened your life. That must have been terrifying.
I can confidently say that you have helped me Anita. Through our discussion I have been able to understand why some of my anxious thoughts / habits occur. Previously, I wasn’t aware of the links to specific themes. I believe this will help me better manage my anxiety.
Therapy taught me a tool to address flashbacks. I plan on using this to address when catastrophising occurs.
The tool is as follows:
I have a tendency to catastrophise and worry about worst case scenarios when stressed or overwhelmed due to previous abuse. Those experiences lead me to anticipate suffering or abandonment and believe that I deserve it for existing. This is not true!
This is 2022, I am safe at home with my pets and husband. I have many good people in my life and have had many good experiences that I deserve. I will have many more good experiences in the future.
Worst case is rarely accurate. What are some reasonable alternatives to the worst case scenarios? Practice deep breathing until anxiety stabilises and do something kind for myself.
Also, I identified that my habits of using anxiety to distract from physical pain are probably not very helpful as stress increases pain sensitivity. So I really should nip these habits in the bud.
I will do some reading about the effects of trauma bonding and consider returning to therapy. Thank you for your advice!
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 