Anita,

I went over to his house on Friday and we only talked for a few hours because I was meeting my friends that night. I think we got everything out that we needed to say… at first we were just watching a show and I slowly brought it up to him. I brought his jacket over and that’s when he knew it was over, he said. He was hoping I would want to talk about getting back together but he also had a feeling it would go the opposite.

I started by saying I’m sorry for being so complicated and distant, I’ve been processing my feelings. He said he knew that I needed space. That’s why he hasn’t been talking to me considering that his friend told him not too as well, I guess that was good for me to be alone and figure out my feelings. He brought up that he’s trying to move on and he’s interested in someone else, then again he later said I would always go back to you if you wanted me back. I told him I just want everything to be ok, and he understood that I wanted that closure and he said I can reach out to him if I ever need anything. But we won’t be able to hangout as friends because it just wouldn’t end well considering we still love each other and the new guy/girl wouldn’t be happy with that.

He told me that he really appreciates and respects that I wrote out my feelings and wanted to tell him in person instead of just never talking to him again. I also told the new guy that I was going over there to talk because I want to be transparent. He was understanding, and things are going well so far. I definitely feel better for being open and honest.

One thing about my ex is that he gets irritated easily, and I could tell that he was getting a little mad because of how I’ve been dealing with our situation (going back and forth, not being 100% clear with my feelings), acting like he’s the one that did all the damage…. I told him it’s hard to be open when I don’t even know how I’m feeling. He said he understands because I’m still young figuring out myself. He said that’s the difference between us because he knows what he wants, he wants to date to marry. I agree with that statement and it’s just sad because we saw that with each other. And I haven’t had much experience outside our relationship. I guess that’s one part that’s really difficult for me to get over because I thought he was my soulmate and we would be together since high school. I think he did finally realize his drinking problem because he told me that he even drinks with the new girl, and I told him he needs to be careful because the same thing is going to happen without realizing it. He said he still feels a connection with me and it will never go away even in 10 years. I hope we can eventually meet again because he is such a great guy at his core and he really knows me.

It was a little embarrassing because I couldn’t help but cry when I was reading my note. It was hard for me to breathe, I feel like that showed my weakness. I apologized for crying and not being able to hold it together.

Throughout the conversation he brought up that he’s already tried his hardest to show how he’s changed, and there’s not much else he can do, and I owe him the effort and apology for cheating, not being 100% honest at first. We did keep talking and said that it’s really both of our “faults.” I put that in quotes because he said none of us are necessarily at fault, I guess it’s having the accountability in which way our relationship could’ve worked.

– Jess