Dear Jess:

“He had some affairs with people online“- do you mean that his affairs were strictly online, and were those with women he never met?

Regardless of the answer to the above, he cheated on you by his own admission, and as a result you suffered a lot, and still. After cheating, he told you that he loved you and wanted to save the marriage; you wanted to give your love a second chance, as you put it, figuring that he cheated on you because “he was just confused and maybe even depressed… and he felt the need to talk with someone, and then it all escalated and got out of control for him“.

Next, a woman with whom he had an affair continued to reach out to him and “he wanted to be a friend to her to help her move on… he felt the moral need to help her through this“, so he did. When he noticed that you were suffering because of his contact with her, he decided… not to end the communication with her, but to end it with you, for now (maybe to resume later): “he said that my doubts and fears had him thinking it would be better to take some time to think about what he wants in life, and if our paths will cross again then we will be stronger than never“.

“I sometimes feel so much fear of losing him… Any thoughts about it would be appreciated” – if what I wrote above is factually true, then no need to fear losing him in the future; you either already lost him or you never had him as a true husband. A true husband would never choose to cause his wife unnecessary suffering by communicating with another woman, particularly one with whom he had an affair! A true husband will feel the “moral need” to alleviate to his wife’s suffering, instead of adding to her suffering.

Plus, pay attention to what he told you: he wants to take some time “to think about what he wants in life“- meaning that he does not at this time want to be married to you, not in practical terms. And so, he is husband by name only, not really a husband.

How long have you been married, if you don’t mind me asking and was/ is the affair with this woman (and other women) strictly online (did it involve a sexual exchange of some kind, irl or virtually)?

anita