Dear Lisa:

I am glad to read back from you.

You wrote today: “I continue to try and please people for my own survival… In my life I have wanted to be around numerous people, but you know the rest…” – I wanted to take this opportunity to remind myself of some of the rest, particularly what you wrote about your own survival by going over some of our past communication.

I re-read my detailed and thorough summary of your life story which I posted Jan 30, 2021, on this thread; no need to repeat it here because you can go back and read, if you wish. You clearly suffered a lot, from the very beginning of your life, possibly when still in the womb as your teenage mother possibly abused drugs while pregnant with you; you suffered abandonment, abuse at home, bullying at school… so much suffering so early in life- it is heart breaking!!!

And you suffered Alone (Alone is the title of your first thread): “I feel I was left to figure it out on my own and I have learned nothing more than to just survive“, you wrote years ago.

On December 2, 2018, you wrote: “Anita yes, I am anxious all the time and I have been basically all my life… Yes, I am always afraid“.

April 17, 2020: “I never had control over anything“.

May 14, 2020: “I can’t see myself as anything but a victim. I was a good child and so many things worked against me becoming a good adult. The same people who abandoned me and tore away at my self-esteem, rolled their eyes at me, betrayed me… I needed help a long time ago and they let me sink… When I’m upset, no one comes to me. When I’m calm no one comes to me, when appear happy no one comes to me“.

I keep coming back to you, for years, in the context of your two threads. I want to read more from you, I want to read how you find some peace of mind and heart within yourself, to read that you no longer suffer unnecessarily. I want you to feel okay as much as I want myself to feel okay, as much as I want any suffering person to feel okay!!!

anita