Dear miyoid:

I am trying to understand your recent posts in light of what you shared earlier this year:

Jan 14: “I sometimes feel superior to my peers…  I feel superior intellectually or ethically, I can feel like I deserved better than somebody who is not as intellectual or as ethical… And when that person has more than I do… I… suffer… I feel worthless”.

March 29: “I sometimes also feel like my own problems cannot be solved by my friends, at least the closest ones. Maybe because I give insight to them, maybe because I see their struggle, I feel like my struggles are superior, I’m not sure. I kind of see them as luckier than I am, and maybe that’s why they cannot understand each other fully and they come to me for that… I’m kind of fed up with helping some people in my life… I always set aside some money for harder times… There are so many details I think and act accordingly that my friends don’t think about. And when they need something, they just ask me… my flat mate just asked me if she can use my milk, because she forgot. I don’t like to share my stuff and I keep extra, so I had to open up the milk just for her… those people end up asking for more and more and then I feel used. And in the times of need, you cannot ask them to be careful, you feel like helping them. I don’t really know why I get this much uncomfortable”.

April 26 and today, April 28: “I feel like I don’t have the good friends that a person needs. I realize that all that matters to them can be their own current agenda, and I feel neglected… When I’m not okay, I don’t think that they can make me feel all better, or I don’t think that they have the answers… I would prefer being helped, but I don’t want to ask for it unless I really have to… when I see somebody being selfish or being ignorant at something, I cannot be carefree. Instead, I feel unlucky cause I don’t have a sister like that or a friend like that. I feel like I’m surrounded by selfish people”.

I am trying to understand and please correct me if I am misunderstanding in regard to each of the following items:

(1) You feel ethically superior to your peers (being self-sufficient, careful and detailed, ex. seeing to it that your phone is charged at all times and buying extra milk). When your ethically inferior peers have more than you, more material success perhaps, more (what?), you feel angry at them because it is unfair that they will be rewarded for their carelessness. You also get angry when they ask you personally to make up for their carelessness/ reward them for their carelessness (ex., asking you to charge their phones and use your milk).

(2) You feel intellectually superior to your peers. You give them your insight into their problems, but you don’t ask for their insight because their insight is inferior to yours.

(3) You feel that your inferior peers are lucky because they are selfish, but you are not selfish, therefore you are unlucky. (I don’t understand this part, can you explain to me the connection between selfishness and luck, and what makes you unlucky?)

anita