I shall start by saying no, my mother always supported a relationship between my dad and I. It’s just the times I saw him were for apart, as a kid even of that age months felt like a metaphorical eternity.

I was basically a social pariah in my high school. I had few friends, and seemed to rub most people the wrong way when we first met. Some claimed it was just how I looked, I know I’m not the best looking, some said it was my voice pre puberty, others just didn’t like my personality. Throughout the years I always shed friends, many friendships would die out even as I tried to help foster them. I will admit, sometimes I tried too hard to keep a friendship going and thats what killed them.

This could partially do with the aforementioned wall I metaphorically built around my heart. I tend to lie to anyone and everyone including my self, and this is one of the few times I have been fully honest. I have been told I can be fake sometimes, acting strong so others can lean on me is how it’s usually portrayed.

Going to how my mom reacts, I will say she doesn’t fake it at all. At first she just tried to explain to me the errors of my mistakes, and yes you can tell she was mad. She wasn’t ranting and raving and screaming, just the mad you are when you know someone can do better. Over the years she has grown rather tired of my constant blunders and lies, which brings out her anger more and more. She doesn’t hit things or anything violent like that, it’s just her biggest pet peeve being prodded at for more than five years. What happens is we usually sit down and she gives her talk while I don’t say much out of shame. She sometimes has said things she regrets and I know she doesn’t mean, but later on we have a talk when she isn’t as mad and she apologizes every time time that kind of talk. This sounds like I’m painting her to be a bad guy in a way, she isn’t. She is the best mom I can ask for, she is just tired of this and I want to make sure I make my last chance count.