Dear Lindsey:

You are welcome. I can totally understand why Jason is not ready to talk about his future with you, being that his past with his ex is not yet concluded: she signed divorce papers only yesterday or so, after 2 years of being unable to agree, and the signed paper still needs to be brought to court and processed. I’d definitely wait for some time to pass between his actual, legal divorce, when that happens, and talking about a future with you.

“I am debating if I should ask him to check in more message wise during the 7 days apart.  I have noticed the more I initiate messages the more he messages back.  I just do not want to seem too needy.  However, these are things I feel like I need from the relationship and him to feel better” – I think that it is fair that you ask him to check in more often. The two of you can talk and agree on how often to message/ talk and at what times, so that the relationship works for you and for him.

About separation anxiety in adults:

“My anxiety increases during the 7 days I do not see Jason in person” – it occurred to me that you fit what Healthline/ separation anxiety in adults, says: “People with adult separation anxiety disorder experience high levels of anxiety, and sometimes even panic attacks, when loved ones are out of reach… Adult separation anxiety can have an onset in childhood or adulthood. Similar to other anxiety disorders, adult separation anxiety can affect your quality of life, but the condition can be managed with treatment”.

Wikihow/ how to manage adult separation anxiety disorder (ASAD): “Method 1, learning about ASAD 1. Learn about the symptoms of ASAD...  such as: Being excessively ‘clingy’… Extreme anxiousness and distress when you are away from your loved ones… 2. Join a support group. Joining a support group will allow you to interact with others who are experiencing the same thing as you… 3. Consider talking to a therapist….

Method 2, Banishing negative thoughts 1. Identify your negative thoughts:…When you are away from your loved one, take note of any negative thoughts, assumptions, and beliefs that come into your head. Write them down or express them to someone like a therapist or close friend. Knowing what kind of negative thoughts (to) expect can help you manage them. Keeping a daily journal can help you get in the habit of recording your thoughts and feelings.

2. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones: When you have identified these negative thoughts, replace them with positive ones or disprove the beliefs that you feel…  For example, if your loved one leaves and you think ‘I may never see her again,’ replace that negative thought with a positive one, such as, ‘I will see her when she gets home from work. We will eat dinner together and watch a movie.’ Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a treatment plan for depression and/or anxiety that may help you replace negative thoughts with positive ones…

3. Distract yourself from your negative thoughts.: When you begin to feel anxious and start thinking negative thoughts, you will only feel more anxious. To keep yourself from dwelling on negative thoughts, distract yourself by: Engaging in an activity like a hobby you enjoy, focusing on completing work or household chores, taking a walk or exercise, visiting a place you enjoy, such as a museum or the movies

Method 3, Trying coping techniques for relaxation: 1. Practice breathing techniques to help calm yourself… Try meditating… Use visualization techniques to relax.

anita

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