Dear Eric:

Good to read in your 2nd post from yesterday that you hope to realize soon that you are worthy and that you are improving day by day. It makes me feel good to read this!

And it makes me feel good to read what you wrote in your 1st post yesterday: “Day by day I’m developing a stronger heart, so I can bear with the pain of this world…. My motto right now is that I’ll aim for a better tomorrow…  I keep getting improvements day by day“!!!

“I’ve been trying to accustom my life into following hers… whereas a person who wants to lead their own life shouldn’t do that. I think it’s due to me feeling that myself isn’t worth that much, I’m a person with less quality… I feel that I’m good for nothing…. I tried drawing I cant, I tried badminton I cant, I was never really good at something… day by day I’m developing a stronger heart“-

– a person with a strong heart is way more capable to lead (oneself and other people) than a person with a weak heart who can draw and play badminton well. The stronger your heart, the more it will naturally show on your face and body: it will show in the expressions of your face, in the way you look at people, in the sound of your voice, in the words you use, in the posture of your body, and in the ways you move your body. It would be nothing that you will be faking, it will be the natural consequences of having a strong heart.

You can’t grow taller, you can’t change the features of your face and most of the features of your body, but you can develop a strong heart, and a strong heart will be evident in your face, your body, your voice, your words… naturally.

“I’m obsessed with that… with (her) appearance… she can just sway her beauty or change her outfit into a more coquettish style and eventually some boys will take the bait” –  in regard to your fantasy of her dressing coquettishly and boys taking the bait: this is a fantasy in your mind because the scenario would account for an hour a week at the most, (maybe, if she is walking in a shopping mall this way every week for an hour), but the great majority of her life- if not all- is not lived in a shopping mall.

“I’m obsessed with that… I never met her in person for the past 4 years, sometimes I’m confused why I desperately want someone I never met for that long, idk whether this is love, lust, or an obsession“-

The reasons I don’t want to talk about her (about what she may be thinking, what she may be feeling, what she meant when she said this and that, etc., etc.,  is because (1) I don’t know her, never communicated with her, never met her.. how would I know, (2) Talking about her with you will only feed your obsession: it would be like throwing wood into a fire, it will cause the fire to grow stronger, not weaker.

A strong heart will have to find a way to turn away from obsession and fantasy, and turn toward what is in front of you: that which is real, here and now, and make a better use of what is available to you.

Again, it is very good to read that you are considering that you are worthy, and that day by day you are developing a stronger heart!

anita