Dear Sushmita:

“My mother sometimes says she and my father we are with you focus on your career then if you want to get married to him marry him. I relax and start focusing on career but then next day she says again she can’t do it and I hate them more for manipulating me“- appears like your mother lied to you so that you start focusing on your studies. This is dishonest manipulation because when she told you “if you want to get married to him, marry him”, she didn’t mean it. It was a lie.

“My physical health has also deteriorated over this period. will seeing me like this make them change their mind“- on your end, you are trying to manipulate your parents to agree that you marry this man. If you will be exaggerating your physical unwellness or adding symptoms that you are not experiencing, that will be dishonest manipulation as well.

“HE on the other hand tells me time tells me time will heal this… and does stupid things like putting my hair in his wallet when I said I am having lot of hair fall“- I am guessing that you told him about your hair falling out partly because you wanted him to know how you are suffering without him. His solution to your falling hair and to your suffering is not to take action toward a  marriage.. but to carry your hair in his wallet, a symbolic act.

“I feel like talking it out with him and my parents who say focus on the career which is very hard in this fear he’ll get married to someone else“- this may not be a bad idea: why don’t you arrange a meeting between the four of you: your parents, yourself and the man, have a group discussion on what matters to you so very much (marriage with this man)? A meeting like this may be very revealing as to what everyone really thinks and feels on the matter.

anita