Dear Pop:

You are welcome. “So, do you think that this happens because I am afraid that my feelings will betray me again, so I kind of developed a defence mechanism when it comes to love and relationships?“- yes. You are afraid that your feelings will betray you. You are also afraid to not feel in-love with him anymore.

“I may have chosen not to feel in love with him, because I lost trust in my feelings, so I started to panic and I just made things worse“- I think that this is what happened. Also, Fear and Love don’t go together, strong  fear takes priority and it cancels fear, for as long as the fear is strong.

“Should I take a break from him and try to answer all these questions alone or should I just try to spend more time with him, without any pressure, and see if the feelings come back?“- I’d say continue the relationship with him and spend some of the time with him, and some of the time without him.

“Do you think that if I had such strong feelings for him once, I can have them again someday?“- yes, I am sure that you can feel strongly about him again.

“How do I stop thinking so much about everything, relax, and just listen to my heart?“- (1) lower your anxiety level overall and you’ll be better for it: daily exercise, better nutrition, guided meditations, and/ or yoga, walks in nature, listening to calming music, and/ or painting etc., etc. (2) regarding your fear about not feeling strongly in-love with him again, you have to find a way to not be afraid of this anymore because the fear itself will keep you from feeling strongly about him and/ or it will cut short the feelings once they appear.

Feelings are not something tangible and solid that you can hold in your hands and therefore, you can’t keep them or lose them: they come and go like air. Also, no person in the whole wide world (!!!) feels in love with another person at all times, not even most of the time: everyone gets tired or angry or hungry or depressed and loses all positive feelings for a while. If you terrorize yourself with repeatedly asking yourself: do I love him NOW? How about NOW…? You will be feeding the fear.

anita