Hi KP,

Thank you for sharing. I would like to say that I deeply resonate with your sentiments.

I too tend to have crushes on unattainable figures, including fictional characters or people I consider “out of my league.” My therapist explained that this distance provides me the ability to 100% love and project all my desires onto someone. If a love interest is forever out of reach, I get to imagine whatever I want about them. I don’t have to accept their humanity. But in reality, they are complex, imperfect, and have their own goals and desires; there is no human born to be my perfect match, unless they are obscured by my imagination.

I have recently joined dating sites (à grace de Anita; thanks again!) and in fact have found several interesting women near my age who have shown interest in me. However once we begin speaking (or even just match), I too seem to shut down and lose interest/attraction and feel tempted to deny them, even though I outwardly claim I am interested in the process of beginning a relationship.

Rather than advice, I bring these 2 questions:

1) What makes you want to enter into a relationship?

2) What is making you want to reject/deny these people?

I believe your insight can help others as well. Thanks again.