Dear kajal:

You shared that  living in Germany, you (Indian, Hindu) had “beautiful 2 years together” with a man (Syria, Muslim). At first, he introduced you to his parents and they liked you. A year and a half into the relationship, at about Feb 2022, the two of you talked about getting married and he told you that his parents asked if you would convert to Islam. Your answer: no. You then asked him to convince his mother to agree to a marriage without conversion. His mother did not agree.

Even though she did not agree, you asked your boyfriend to help and arrange a meeting between your parents and his parents, so to “talk about marriage“. He repeated that his  mother does not agree. Next, you broke up with him (“I told him to end things between us“), and as a result, he became “very sick” and told his mother about the breakup. His mother was “very angry with me and told him to cut all the connections with me immediately“.

Next, you regretted your decision and told him that you will “do anything to be with him“, including converting into Islam, and you asked him to see your mother when she visits you in a few days. He told you that he was already convinced against a marriage with you and did not want to meet your mother.  During your mother’s 2-months visit to Germany, you were depressed and therefore you didn’t enjoy her visit. When your mother left back to India, you met him again and the two of you decided to convince his mother to agree to a marriage when she visits him in Germany.

Next, you took a week off from work and hosted his mother in your apartment for more than 2 weeks because your apartment was nicer than his. She didn’t like your cooking or the way you did your household chores. One day, you “just asked her, she said… she will do a prayer and see what God wants… So after prayer, they said NO to marriage… Now he has come to a point where he doesn’t want me at all….  he blames me saying I’m cursing his family. also he told me no matter what they say and do I need to keep my mouth shut without accusing cursing them“-

I have two questions, if I may:

(1) Did you curse his parents in their presence.. or did you curse his parents when talking to their son?

(2) You wrote early in your original post: “Yes we were agreed that our children will become Muslim“, but you refused to convert yourself because “it’s difficult“. Did you think that it will be easy for your children to live as Muslims?

Back to your story:  “My bf said that he is also sad but he accepted the God doesn’t want us to get married and I should move on and find husband for me… I can’t accept the fact that how easily he moved on… why he is not taking stand for me (the girl who is ready to convert religion for him)“-

– it is very difficult for a man in traditional cultures such as in India and in Middle East Islamic countries, to take a stand AGAINST his parents. I think that a man will take a stand FOR a girlfriend or wife IF she does not take a stand AGAINST his parents. When at first you refused to convert (which is absolutely your right), in his parents’ minds (or in his mother’s mind, you didn’t mention his father, or yours), it meant that you took a stand against them. When you cursed them, perhaps when talking to your boyfriend, it meant, in his mind, that you were taking a stand against them. Does this sound true to you?

I wonder why his mother chose to stay with you for 2-weeks. I wonder if she stayed with you just because you had a nicer apartment?

anita