yes i have felt this feeling before, when i let someone down like a parent or friend. but it’s never been like this before. i just feel so shameful that i can’t sleep or eat properly.

i want desperately to let go of this feeling. i don’t think even if i told them, it would go away. i feel i would feel even worse because perhaps they’ll think it was worse than it really was and be even more hurt.

i just hate myself for putting myself in this situation where i would hurt my partner and for drinking so much. like i said, i hate thinking that i irreparably hurt our relationship which is my dream relationship.