Dear Oceandrive24:

Good to read from you again, last been on April 2021. You shared today that you met a man for coffee a few weeks ago. A few hours after coffee, he messaged you, asking to take you out for dinner at your “earliest convenience“. You declined, telling him that you are not interested in being more than friends. His response:  he “understood and looked forward to catching up again soon“. A week or so later, he asked to meet you for coffee. You told him that you can’t make it at that time because you were attending to your father whose mental health was suffering.

Next, he suggested to meet your father, your mother, your two teenage boys and yourself (6 people) so that your father will feel more comfortable to talk about his mental health issues (“it might help my dad to talk if there’s another bloke there who’s a friend of his daughter“). You thanked him and said you’ll keep his offer in mind. About a week later (this morning), he messaged you what he messaged you.

“I’ve not a clue how to take this…  Any insight, suggestions or advice would be most welcome“-

-my best understanding as to what this all means is that this man is interested in you sexually and romantically, but (like so many people) his mental health is suffering, and therefore he is not able to go about what he wants in a way that makes sense (a way that is more likely to get him what he wants).  It takes a person’s ability to be honest with himself to either be able to be honest with another person, or to be able to lie effectively. I am guessing that he is not able to be honest with himself and the results: you are confused about what he wants and what he is about.

His sexual and romantic interest in you was made clear when he displayed eagerness to have dinner with you and when he referred to you as “a beautiful, sexy… lady“. His lack of honesty is evident here: “To be totally honest, I am not looking for a romantic relationship or even a sexual one“.  Maybe a part of him is not looking for such, but the eager part is very much interested.

“I hope you don’t think I was being pushy and using your dad as an excuse to see you“- the eager part of him was pushy and used your father’s mental health issues as an excuse to insert himself into the three generations of your family (your 2 parents, yourself, and your two kids).

“I truly was trying to help… my offer of help with your father was sincere“- this could be a lie (meaning that he knew it was not true but said it anyway), or it could be that part of him was only trying to help and that this helpful part was speaking at the time.

Clearly, his idea of the meeting was not well-thought of: a man suffering from mental health issues is more likely to open up in the company of one trusted individual and not in the company of 5 individuals, one of whom is a stranger who is not a medical professional of any kind. Maybe he came up with it impulsively and blurted it out.

anita