Dear aVoid:

You are welcome. Good to read back from you. You returned to your thread just like you said you will. I like it when a person does what he says he’ll do.

“My mother was absent and my father was strict. His family abused me… I’ve isolated myself from the world…It feels like I’m a separate entity“-

-A baby, a toddler, a young child cannot separate himself from his parents/ caretakers. In the young child’s mind, the two (caretaker + child) are one entity. When the parent-part of the entity threatens the child-part of the entity, the child-part exits the entity, and the child becomes divorced from himself, exiled.

“I suffered greatly and when I became independent I continued to suffer because the pain has burrowed so deep into my soul“- the pain is that of one living separately from oneself, a living-yet-not-living condition that no material good or accomplishment can fix (“I have everything a man needs and wants…  there are accomplishments that I want to achieve“), and no vice can alleviate it for long.

You describe the experience of living in this state of separation as “a great deal of suffering…  continuing of pain and loneliness… so lost and alone“- when you don’t have you, you suffer alone and lonely.

“Every interaction that I’ve exchanged with anyone is ingenuine or just doesn’t feel authentic“- the Greek prefix “auto” in the word authentic means “self”. When your interactions don’t have yourself in them in them, they can’t possibly feel genuine.

“I decided that I am going to find a therapist“- it wouldn’t be easy and it will be painful, but can you imagine how exciting it would be to reunite with … you?!!

anita