Dear Lindsey:

“I’m very sure the haircut was intentional…I am unsure how to address the situation” – can you tell Ella to not allow for her hair to be cut without checking with you first?

“I have also AGAIN been reactive with my ex. Basically I am being borderline abusive verbally“- when you are about to react, apply the NPR strategy: Notice that you are triggered, Pause (don’t send him a message or call him), address the situation (ask yourself: what will be the best response, if any?), and Respond, or if better to not respond, then Redirect your attention elsewhere.

“having to endlessly roll a boulder up a hill, only to have it roll back down again“- it is pointless to try to make any progress when you are guaranteed that the progress will get undone. The only progress that makes sense is the continuous kind: building today’s progress on top of yesterday’s progress, and building tomorrow’s progress on top of today’s.

“it started while I was a teenager. I believe it was a combination of needing control over something in my life and also being insecure about myself and my body…. as the years went by I would overeat, binge, not eat- there would be cycles.  Eventually for the most part I stopped with the behaviors“- a history of cycles of disordered eating (bingeing and restricting) based on anxiety, part of which is anxiety born out of the social/ media pressure on girls- women to be thin.

“Now I am just uncomfortable in my own skin.  Body dysmorphia?“- mayo clinic/ body dysmorphic disorder, symptoms: 1. Being extremely preoccupied with a perceived flaw in appearance, thinking about it a lot 2. Belief that others take special notice of your appearance in a negative way or mock you, 3. Attempting to hide perceived flaws with styling, makeup or clothes, 4. Constantly comparing your appearance with others, 5. Frequently seeking reassurance about your appearance from other, 6. Seeking cosmetic procedures with little satisfaction, 7. Avoiding social situations – which of these are your symptoms?

Back to mayo clinic: “The most common features people tend to fixate about include: Face, such as nose, complexion, wrinkles, acne and other blemishes, Hair, such as appearance, thinning and baldness, Skin and vein appearance, Breast size…”- where in your body has your body dysmorphia been focusing on (if you are comfortable sharing, of course)?

“I do not take off my clothes with the lights on with Jason.  I’m not comfortable with him seeing anything” – do you need there to be complete darkness (no light whatsoever) or are dim lights okay?

anita