Dear Lindsey:

In regard to your body image/ dysmorphia:

“So about the body image.  I would say that it started while I was a teenager. I believe it was a combination of needing control over something in my life and also being insecure about myself and my body“- to feel insecure means to feel some fear about the idea that we are inadequate or unacceptable. When we feel fear for too long, it feel like being out  of control. And so, we try to control that which scares us.

“So as the years went by I would overeat, binge, not eat“- the thing that scared you seems to have been body fat, so you tried to control it by not eating.  But then you got hungry and binged… and then you did not eat again, etc.

“Eventually for the most part I stopped with the behaviors“- good thing! 

“Now I am just uncomfortable in my own skin“- feeling uncomfortable in your own skin involves an unease, a continuous kind of lower-intensity fear.

“I do not take off my clothes with the lights on with Jason.  I’m not comfortable with him seeing anything“- what scares you is that he will see you and reject you, so you try to control the situation by … turning off the lights and not letting him see anything.

I am back to my dim lights suggestion: a compromise between bright lights and darkness. What if you let him see you in dim lights? That may be a step in the right direction, the direction being taking on a new attitude in regard to fear: COURAGE…?!

anita