Dear helcat,

I’m a short lady at 5ft 4. I seem to remember that you are taller than me. Is this correct? I’ve dated 3 people shorter than me. The reason for relationships ending has never been height.  are more likely to be open to dating. Whilst it is true that people notice height upon meeting for the first time. People stop thinking about it. Everyone is too busy with their own lives to care about how short you are. Shorter ladies tend to be more open to dating shorter men since chances are you will still be taller than them.

I’m 5 ft 5, i’m not taller than you, we are at the same height…… and you even labelled yourself as short (and you are a lady)….. imagine i’m a guy with that height…. feels terrible…

Yes, shorter ladies might be more open as they are shorter, and i also feel more secure as im taller…. but shorter ladies also mostly aim for tall guys even when they are short…. at least 5 ft 7 as it’s average….

Tbh, i used to wonder if i have this height…. it might be better if i was born as a girl…. as i can accept my height…. I wont be insecure with my height, my issues will be on other stuff…..

And unluckily most girls here are about my height, this is why i always use tall shoes so that i can be taller than them, and also look taller in pictures…. but i can never do that if i went to someone’s house, because i need to be barefoot….. and that’s why i never want to meet my friends in their house….. because they might took a picture of us together and upload it on social media….. i dont want people to know my real height….

I also sometimes feel that i have a weird face… like i have a puffy cheeks, combine with bushy eyebrows and non symmetrical teeth…. how can it’s considered as attractive? it’s more towards fierce and scary than good looking……..

This is also why i fear if i visit my future girlfriend’s house later on…. i cant boost my height….. and the parents will notice my short height and have a bad impression….. I always feel afraid of this scenario for a long time, even when i havent experienced it…..

I like girls with quality but at the same time i dont have qualities, and i’m confused on how to improve it……

Whilst height can limit the number of people willing to date you before 25. After 25 attraction changes for women. The focus becomes qualities suitable for a long term partner.

What kind of qualities do u mean?

If it’s some kind of accomplishment or achievement?…. i never had those….

It’s hard for me to show off my qualities……

I also notice that i have a slow brain…… i always have difficulties in brainstorming…… i can only think something straight and memorize it……

As you can see as a child i have difficulties in swallowing food, which leads me to use water every time i need to swallow…. i also cant play football which requires both legs to work together….. i have a hard time playing musical instruments…… even my english is not that good…. you can see i dont have professional grammar here…. Is there any ways to improve how my brain works?

But i can notice what u meant by after 25 the attraction changes…. because i can feel that most girls as they grow older, they become more mature….. like pretty girls who only date attractive guys, now accept a quite not good looking guy (but he’s still taller than her)…..

However i still cant find myself attracted to girls that i dont find attractive (my type (i cant really explain it)…. like i can see some girls who’s personality will give me less pressure as they dont demand much…. i tried forcing myself to like that type of girls, but i cant……

Anyone who cares about your height is superficial and judgemental, you can be thankful to avoid a partner with character flaws.

Likewise anyone who judges you based on your family situation or finances has character flaws. It says more about their weaknesses than you.

The problem is…. i tend to be picky when crushing on girls….. i didnt aim for the most beautiful…. but i have my own criteria of appearance and that’s why it’s hard for me…… Because i cant force my feeling to come out if i dont get attracted by her…. Do u think i shouldnt be picky when me myself are not good looking?

And i’m a person who really hates regret, idk to choose the wrong partner….. because i also tend to get jealous easily by other people who i feel that are on the same level as me….. If she gets a better partner overall, i’m afraid i might feel regret….. But at the same time i also want to have a girlfriend, when most people at my age now are experiencing relationships….

Tbh social media also sparks a lot of jealousy in me….. like i can see from social media that there are boys who’s really blessed with luck, that he’s born with a loving and large family… lots of cousin… and a good looking face. He’s not tall but he’s on the average height….. This is always what i’m dreamt of having on my life, but life is really unfair…..

Like when i saw people having their uni graduation… i can feel jealous… because i dont have it, as last year it’s held online due to covid…. but now it’s held in the campus…..

My point is that the circumstances are not the problem. Your anxiety about judgement from others is what causes you pain. You care about the judgement of others because you don’t like yourself.

Everyone has set backs in life. Overcoming these challenges helps us grow as people.

Going to the gym is progress for you. It is something that you do like about yourself. I hope that you continue to discover new things that you like about yourself. Like the cleaning you mentioned. This is a great trait for a partner. Women value a man that doesn’t mind helping out.

Tbh i also feel happy that i go to the gym now, i feel like i can tell my future girlfriend that i have an activity besides watching tv….. i’m really trying to find more, but idk what…. i have a slow brain and it makes it hard……

I’m planning to try badminton and golf… but idk if i’ll be able to play it or not…. as i’ve failed in football and basketball…..

I feel like…. regardless of my non attractive appearance, i’m also very boring…… idk how i can improve this……

Sometimes there is a day when i dont talk to anyone at all….. like just me in my room enjoying the activities in my room….. idk if girls will like this attitude….

I really want to many things so that i dont feel insecure…. but idk if my brain can cooperate with it….

But as i grow older there’s something that i notice, the sooner i tried the better…..

Like how i used to be afraid of riding a bicycle, but last year i tried it after dozens of attempts and finally i can ride a bike….. I just hope that everything im afraid of…. isnt as scary as i thought it was……