Dear Sushmita:

“I am going for further studies to different town” – please make it happen ASAP (As Soon As Possible).

“The situation in the family has worsened, I was beaten by my mother to the point where my nose started bleeding… When I get up, the first question is: when are you leaving. You are curse to the family… Constantly I am told to die so that they can live in peace… My mother all the time says you were definitely our enemy in past life that came to ruin our life. I was better without a child like you. I gave you everything.. and you gave me that chamar boy“-

–chamar means a Dalit, a person belonging to a class of people in India that is outside the caste system, a person who your parents, as well millions of others, consider so inferior and dirty in every way..  that if a person of the 4 castes touches a Dalit, the person will become dirty. This is why Dalits are also called untouchables. 

And it so happens that you are in love with a Dalit (or a person that your parents consider to be as inferior as a Dalit), and your parents strongly disapprove. Your mother, who considers herself very superior to a Dalit, the one who “gave you everything“…  also gave you a bloody nose and plenty of verbal violence.

Let’s look at the guy’s attitude: when you told him about your mother’s verbal and physical violence against you,  “he says parents do say such things. It’s okay. Give it time. Leave it to God. Miracles do happen. And we do have three years. I am not asking you to wait either”-

– sincerely, Sushmita, I don’t think that there is any chance in this life that your parents will agree to a marriage between you and the guy, so I see no reason for you (or for him) to wait for your parents to change their minds. I don’t think that it is realistic to wait for a miracle in this regard. I also think that it is very unwise for you to continue to try to change their minds and receive more abuse for it, abuse that the guy you love thinks is okay.

Your only chance to marry him is to do so without their approval. To make this happen, you and the guy will have to decide to get married without your parents’ approval and to live away from your parents, having no contact with them. The problem is that you are not willing to do that and neither is he. Therefore, there can be no marriage.

“I do love him but I’ll try not to wait“- waiting for your parents to change their minds is useless.

“I don’t have family“- if you don’t have a family, why are you living with these people who perpetrate verbal and physical violence against you?

“I am (not) that beautiful. I haven’t achieved anything in life too“- if you live without the verbal and physical violence perpetrated against you, you will become prettier, and you will achieve more in life than currently (“I am still at home, bedridden“, Aug 25, 2022).

“Is this how my life going to be forever?”- you can change your life for the better, so that it will not be like this forever: (1) give up on the guy and on convincing your parents to approve marrying him, don’t even mention him to your parents anymore, (2) live in a different town ASAP… and take it from there. I am rooting for you, Sushmita!

anita