Dear miyoid:

“I feel an emotional transformation“- this sounds very good to my ears!

“I realized that when something bad happens, not related to me at all, the other person gets upset. That’s totally normal, but I feel responsible. I feel uncomfortable, I feel like I am the reason for that bad thing somehow.. .. I start to feel like I am not wanted there, I feel like he doesn’t like me anymore“- this must have been how you felt when your father got upset, while you were visiting him. It is normal for a child to think and feel this way.

“I know that I am not but my mood suddenly changes, and I don’t feel safe anymore“- afraid of what your father was going to do to you next. As adults, without an emotional transformation, we keep feeling and thinking and acting and reacting the same as we did as children.

“After realizing it the other day, I tried to control myself. Even though my partner was upset, not related to me again, I tried to keep myself calm and comfy, as the problem was not mine“- excellent!

“The real transformation, however, happened yesterday. I know that people say things like ‘be nice to the kid inside of you’ and so on. I never did that because I am still that kid, I feel like that. I feel vulnerable most of the time. Last night…  I found him in the street and he was angry at me… I just didn’t accept him being angry at me, as we went inside the place I was calmly explaining and asking. ‘Why did you get angry with me, did I do something wrong? No. Why then?’ Asking this 2-3 times sobered him a little and he accepted I was innocent, he was like a little cat owning up, calming down and accepting what I say. He obeyed what I said. It was like I had another ‘myself’ in me who protected that little kid. This has never happened like this before, I thought about this a lot before I slept yesterday. I felt different”-

– so far, I read part of your post, replied to it, read the next part, replied to it etc. It is now 12:17 am your time and I just read the paragraph right above for the first time (and not for the last part)- A M A Z I N G!!! This is miyoid taking charge, miyoid the adult- not just physically the adult- but mentally and emotionally: initiating, taking charge, and he rightfully obeying,  agreeing with you and changing his feeling and behavior as a result.

Mentally and emotionally, you are no longer solely a child: you are also an adult (“another ‘myself’“): calm, rational, fair, in charge; no longer passively submitting to others, but assertive, powerful!

miyoid, you made my day, I am THRILLIED!!!

anita