Dear Anita,

Thank you for the reply. I really did not expect such a great help.

I was not aware of this condition (or a symptom, forgive me, not an excellent english speaker). I was googling stories of people who have similar friends, but those stories seemed different than mine.

When he left I was feeling guilty of not saying directly how I feel – as he said – I should say I do not understand or do not follow his speech instead of “shutting down”. Today I do not agree. I know the problem was not my reaction (however proper or healthy it was or not) but his talking. Knowing he would continue this pressured speech I know I cannot meet him again alone.

I’ve been thinking about telling him we need to give each other space. The only reason I did not say it was over for us was that I do not want to lose people around me. But I know having people around who abuse me is not the way to live.

Before he left he asked me couple of times what’s next for us, are we gonna be friends still or what is my decision. I could not answer. I think he saw my lack of reaction mostly, I explained myself a bit (I know I should not have but as I said I was abused growing up, I am really trying to cope with situations like that, trust me I am trying to not hurt myself again). Most questions he asked I said I cannot give him answer, I cannot offer him anything more and that I am really surprised what he just told me and tired. He left without me saying anything. I think I was afraid of saying anything harsh but I have been preparing what to say when we will talk. I think I will say that this friendship has become too intense and we need to give each other space, and that I appreciate the calm life I am living for past few years, as well as my good mental health and my boundaries, and that I would like them to stay that way.

Thank you again for making an effort. It really clarified it for me.