Dear Janus:

Thank you for your healing and positive thoughts (for the transmale preteen we discussed, let’s refer to them as T) and Happy October to you too! What an informative post. I read it thoroughly and I also read from the links you included. I will definitely suggest the idea of parental support groups to T’s father.  I just looked at gender spectrum. org: it lists “Groups for… Pre -Teens (ages 10-12)“- which fits T’s age. It reads: “Join our online pre-teen group for transgender, non-binary, and gender expansive pre-teens. This is a safe space for pre-teens who would like to meet other gender expansive kids. All groups are facilitated by trained volunteers“, and it lists “Groups for Adults“: “The National Parent Support Group is a live online/call-in peer group where parents can support each other and find helpful information on their journey of raising transgender, non-binary or otherwise gender-expansive children and teens. It is facilitated by Gender Spectrum, and you can join occasionally or regularly. You can participate by phone, chat or online video“. I will definitely pass this information to T’s father.

Your information and thorough explanations over time and particularly in your most recent post will help me in my interactions with transgender individuals and with their parents, in real-life and in these forums, so thank you for helping more people than you know.

Like I said, I read all that you shared thoroughly and I hope that other members read it too. You are very good at explaining things, you are very thorough and you make things easy to understand. Because of your explanations and recent communication with you, I really like departing from the binary view of gender: it makes me feel better about myself!

“Sometimes I still have memories that I repressed come back that haven’t healed and I find myself doubting myself again“- I don’t think that healing can ever be complete and expecting complete or perfect healing sets  unrealistic expectations and leads to disappointments. I know that I am much healthier than I was, mentally… and that’s good enough for me!

“But I take a breath and enjoy nature..“- continue to enjoy what you’ve always enjoyed: nature, herbal plants, water… things you shared about since you started this thread.

“I am starting to not beat myself up for things that I couldn’t control or didn’t do well… I do have some regrets about things but I realized that I didn’t really make the best decisions at the time because I was so lost and didn’t know myself“- I read recently about how important it is for us, in order to be resilient, to be okay with the  mistakes we’ve made, big and small, and to practice self-compassion, which includes, of course, not beating ourselves up for mistakes made or for any other reason.

“I’m starting to rebuild and work on learning ways to speak up for myself even though it’s still hard and sometimes I still feel like I am not the best at setting healthy boundaries“- it will get easier the more practice you get, so take advantage of any and every opportunity that avails itself to you today and every day , opportunities big and small, to speak up for yourself and set healthy boundaries with people!

“I was chasing after things without really taking a step back to fully reflect on me and now I’m starting to enjoy nature, studying things along the way and rebuilding myself and healing“- good idea: to not chase after things, instead: slow down, step back, observe,  reflect and proceed.

Good reading from you. Thank you for your thoroughness and help.

anita