I don’t know why I didn’t say anything earlier. Maybe I felt shame or maybe I didn’t think it was a big deal. Maybe I thought that because of the times when it happened on more than one occasion that I was very young and so was he. I was probably 4 or 5 and he was 10 or 11. To be honest I can’t even remember how old I was. The one time it happened when I was older (maybe 8 or 9) is the time I vividly remember. Maybe I wanted to protect him. Or maybe I was just embarrassed.

As for the feeling I had around my wife. I can say that she was a huge part of my happiness.  Whether that stems from childhood trauma I cannot say. It’s possible though. She did make me feel very valued and appreciated and it’s feelings I had never had before with someone. I can say that she was my first love. And when she was ignoring or rejecting me I’m sure there’s a part of it that felt a bit like childhood. I have other things that happened as well when I was a kid that affected me. I will tell you about that in another post. I feel very broken at the moment and do not want to feel this way. There are so many things that I know I need to address and don’t know where to start.