Thank you so, so much for your kind words. It is comforting to me to know someone else has experienced similar things and feelings, and I felt that you truly have. I’m glad you have wonderful pets to fill your days with love and joy, too.

I hear what you are saying about moving. And as I look back on all the times I have moved in an effort to make my life better, it generally hasn’t worked. I actually moved here wanting a fresh start. It took a lot of courage to go into a new place in a new town and try to do an internship. This is partially why how they treated me is so painful. So I partly want to get away from them and the memory of that experience. But also I do believe some places will have more people you can relate to and some fewer. Although maybe that’s not true. The worst part about where I live is there are few places to walk and enjoy nature, and these things are essential to my well-being. Plus I’m trying to move somewhere that is less likely to be severely impacted by climate change.  Still, I hear what you are saying about not just picking up and moving. I have to resist my escapist inclinations toward that.

I’ve been trying to smile more. It’s surprising how much that helps. I also read a blog by a woman who had to start over with no money at 50, and how she did it! She said she had to make age a non-issue. It’s a good idea. I also have this quote about being the hero of your own story. I need to remember that and embrace my heroic side!

Another source of pain is the loneliness. I used to be a pretty good conversationalist. I don’t know how to get back to that place, although I have on occasion started to talk to someone and noticed that the conversation just flowed. We connected! I hardly ever have that happen, though. It’s another reason I thought of moving – to increase the likelihood of finding someone to connect with like that.  But that it might be better somewhere else may be an illusion.

trying to be happy . . .

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