That is so true! That also one reason why i always end up just admirering them from afar and push away when they get close. Cuz in my head it’s just me imagen a relationship with them and that means i am in control and they can’t hurt me when it’s just a fantasy.

I went out for drinks with drinks with a female colleague and she gave me some good pointers as well. She works with him and she has never seen him awkward and anxious with anyone.

She said that my text after the date was defensive and that that would make the person on the other end defensive. At the time I thought it sounded good and that it would make him take a step forward. Now not so much. We also talked about the fact that i am too avoident in my flirting (i am basically just shut down and ignore someone) cuz i feel it is so obvious that i am anxious around them because i like them i can’t expect people to read minds. And men also needs to know that if the are putting themselves out there and making advance to a women that it is received well.

I’ve had people tell that i have been know for rejecting the same guy over and over even though i liked them.i just couldn’t see it, because from my perspective i was just protecting my self, cuz I wasn’t sure that the actually meant it (Self sabotaging behaviour)

And she made a point that we are both indirect people (to protect ourselves) which makes sense with our back ground. But it also means that there are a lot of misunderstandings. She pounted out a lot of examples of his indirect ways of trying to spend time with me, but I didn’t catch on to it because he wasn’t direct enough. So learning to communicate and be authentic and vulnerable is better than to expect people to read minds. Just because i know why i am reating a certain way doesn’t mean that other people knows why i am acting that way.

Talking about this really helps. It cslmes my anxiety and it makes it possible for me to see my behaviour from outside. You can’t change a pattern that you don’t know you have so this is really good. Now i have many examples of me doing something and then regretting it when i got home. Like not asking him to show what turkish dishes would be good. But it’s a process i will mess up from time to time but I gotta keep on going.