Dear anita,

Thank you so much for working through my long text and using so much of your own time for your elaborate answer. I will react to it at a later time as i am currently very confused again.

I have been thinking about the topic and i am so horribly afraid of me getting it wrong from the start.

What if these people were right. What if i was and still am indeed living “in my own little world.” What if me trying to understand things and talking to people about it is just about me trying to justify things i did wrong but dont understand. What if me not understanding is the issue my ex-gf and former friends were trying to tell me. What if me even posting this is just some way of me keeping up my own delusions. What if i was the one “gaslighting” my ex and everything was actually alright, things just seemed bad to me and only me because of my fucked up self-perception. What if i told my other friends and family and my last therapist things that would support my version of the truth. What if i am doing the same here with you and not even knowing that i do.

I dont even know if i should post this or if there is any use to me posting this but i am pretty desperate right now for anything as my anxiety is killing me. I just dont know how i will ever know what is true. I am sorry if this text is inappropriate.

Ed