Dear Katrine,

Yes, I will focus on this as a learning opportunity. I have noticed that i have started self sabotaging again, i get more defensive and push people away but that’s understandable with everything that has happened.

It’s great that you are observing yourself and noticing when you slip, or are tempted to slip, into the old patterns. I think one of those old patterns is to start judging and criticizing yourself, and not giving yourself credit for the achievements you’ve made. Recently you’ve criticized yourself for being a hypocrite, telling yourself that you are behaving the same way as he is – when in reality, you have broken your pattern of avoidance and emotional unavailability.

The good thing is that in spite of succumbing to the voice of the inner critic from time to time, you are also able to snap out of it pretty quickly, and see that this was a learning opportunity and not a failure. This is super important! To observe yourself and when you notice that your inner critic is rearing its ugly head, to tell him: “STOP! I am not listening to you. You want me to stay stuck in the past, blaming myself for my past mistakes, believing I can never change. But that’s not true! I am able to change and I have already proven it! I am making progress, I am changing my patterns, and I am not going back to my old ways! With every day, I am becoming more of my true self!”

You can also tell yourself: “I am not perfect, I make mistakes, I won’t always react in the best way possible. But it’s okay to slip up. We are allowed to make mistakes. If I fall down, I’ll get back up and keep walking. And that’s what really matters.”

I don’t know how this sounds to you, but perhaps it would help you to be more compassionate with yourself. It could be an antidote for those situations when you start criticizing yourself and minimizing the progress you’ve made.

What do you think?