Dear Anita.
Thank you so much for your reply and support.  You may not realize how much I appreciated it.  Being alone, no one talks on the weekend except cat and dog, I’ve been struggling nowadays.
Also, my dog loves my ex, and every day when I’m at home, she wants to go front door and wait for him.  That makes me cry.  What have I done to my dog?

Thank you for understanding my message.

English is my second language and I’m lucky to have a great job in the US.  I’m the Human resource director and I should not make “friends” in the office.  The previous HR director cause problems and since then, I was told upon the hire.

My ex is American and grew up here.  He has many friends not next door but drivable area and growing up together.  Also, he lives his mother who has financial problem.  He is taking care of his mother.

Before I went to the specialize therapist facility, I sent him an apologize email and letting him that I will be gone for the therapist.   I found the email from him after I return.  I did not have cell phone, internet access for two weeks.
His email said “I understand. I am sorry for my part in any of this. Let me know how I can help”

I’m not ready to send him any email yet.  This may my last email to him so, I would like to make sure I understand myself, my problems and take a time to write it to him.

I have multiple problems.
I do not have any at office but private time, I do not have control myself.
Being selfish = I would like to have all attention.  I take lots of things negativity.  My ex is enjoying with friends, I feel behind the backstage.  They are talking about old story which I do not have any idea nor jokes which I do not get it much as I should.
We had an argument then I would like to make up after we talk but he doesn’t want to talk.  I kept talking to him and push him to the edge.  If I ask him to go out or make a plan for trip, he doesn’t give me an answer but I want to have NOW.
I may overreacted but he makes a plan with his friends but not me?  It made me upset and more pushy.  They have been talking the plan but I upset without listen any story.  I also jump into conclusion.

A little about my ex:
He was growing up with abused and dishonest father, father and mother was always fight each other, domestic violence level and finally she left him.  Every time they have started a fight, he and his brother hide in the closet.  His mother has controlling issue and he doesn’t like to tell what he will do or tell him what to do.  His mother married three times and divorce now.

I may have to make a new forum but how do you make friends?  At the office, people call me I’m bubbly and fun but outside of the work, I have very hard time to meet people.  I understand that most of my age group have family and spending time with family.

I wrote partial of my draft and I will upload it later or tomorrow.  Thank you again for your huge support.