Dear Dan,

you are welcome, and I meant what I said: you are a good man, and you deserve to be loved and appreciated. The fact that she isn’t showing you that at the moment doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Please know that!

I’ve always been hard on myself. A lot of negative self talk.

And this negative self-talk probably started long before you’ve met her, right?

I know how the inner critic can make our lives miserable, how unworthy we can feel because of it. And then when we suffer a blow like this – when the person we love abandons us – it only confirms the horrible stuff we’ve been telling ourselves: that indeed we’re a nobody, that we are unlovable, that nobody will ever want us.

But that’s not true, of course. It’s just a story, a narrative that we’ve been telling ourselves for many many years. It’s a lie, but we live our lives as if it were true.

It was my birthday last week and there was no happy birthday text which kinda hurt.

I can imagine it hurt, and I think not just because she didn’t bother to congratulate, but also because it “confirmed” again what your inner critic has been telling you: that you are unworthy and unlovable. You might have interpreted her lack of happy birthday text as another rejection, and perhaps not just a rejection of you as her romantic partner, but also rejection of you as a person. And it hurts bad… Am I right in thinking that?

Maybe it would be too hard for either of us to be in contact with one another, at least that’s what I tell myself as to why she stopped all communication.

Yes, very likely. She knows she cannot promise you anything and she doesn’t want to string you along, like rekindle the relationship and then put it on ice again…. as she has done already this spring. She doesn’t want that. And she probably can’t do the casual “let’s stay friends” type of thing, because it’s hard to stay friends with so many conflicted feelings. So she figures it’s better not to write at all.

But that doesn’t mean that she thinks you are an unworthy and unlovable person, who doesn’t deserve a birthday greeting. And even if she thought that – which I highly doubt – you ARE NOT an unworthy and unlovable person. Your birthday should be celebrated, and you should celebrate it too because you are a gift to the world! You are special and unique, like each of us is, and you should celebrate your birthday. And you should surround yourself with people who will celebrate you and your birthday!

I do wish you a happy belated birthday, dear Dan! I hope you can see your own worth, diminish the voice of the inner critic, and write another story of your life.