Dear Katrine,

My parents did treat me different than my sister, they didn’t have the resources to deal with two sick children and so I had to fight my own battles.

Whenever my sister or family member would hurt me they didn’t really want to deal with it, so they always told me to forget about it. Like when I was ten I got a pet bird and when I told my grandmother she called me an animals abuser. I went home crying but was told to not think about it. That makes you feel worthless. Like it’s okay for other people to hurt you, you are not worth protecting.

I understand. I mean, even if your sister’s symptoms were “bigger” and more severe, and the care of your sister took a lot of their time and energy, it was wrong of your parents to not react in situations like with the pet bird. Because your grandmother behaved horribly, accusing you of being an animal abuser (!), and your parents should have called her out on that. They should have not only spoken with her, but they should have also told you that it wasn’t right from the granny to tell you this, and they should have reassured you that you’re not an animal abuser, and that owning a pet bird doesn’t mean animal abuse.

So they should have reacted because it was clearly child abuse at the hands of your grandmother. It was really mean and harmful to tell such a thing to a child!

I understand how unworthy you must have felt – because as you said, it’s like “we don’t care about you, we don’t care how horribly someone treats you. You’re not important.” The message you got is that you’re not important, and that’s probably one of the key core beliefs that you developed about yourself.

Your parents’ failure to protect you from verbal and emotional abuse by others left you vulnerable and helpless around people, which probably added to your anxiety. Maybe that’s why you were so afraid to ride on a bus, for example. So it could be that their negligence directly contributed to your anxiety. In addition to that is the message “you are not worthy”, or “you are less worthy than others”, which is the conclusion you draw based on their negligence.

Of course, it’s a false conclusion, because you are as worthy as anybody else… I hope you can see it and accept it, slowly but surely.

I am glad this past week was relatively good for you, that you got more sleep and weren’t in pain. And also that you felt more relaxed when going out with your friends from work.