Dear anita

One’s type does not mean a good match, it means that something about the person (one’s type) awakens a feeling in a man, a longing, an excitement… something from long ago, like the way a child feels happy seeing the green grass and sun shining, it all feels so new and exciting. I personally know a man your age whose type has led him to a series of failed relationships, failure after failure, and yet, he keeps searching for his type, ending up alone.

– if the child seeing the green grass and sun shinning, he feels happy, then when he grows up, should he stop seeing the green grass and sun shinning and pursue something else?

I came to the realization that I can’t force myself to love a person no matter how perfect the person is”- but you don’t have to force yourself to appreciate and respect her, do you? I value genuine appreciation and respect way more than I value the automatic, subconscious feelings involved with one’s type.

– What is the linkage between love and appreciate & respect? I do appreciate and respect her and had never mistreated her.

“I don’t understand myself nor who to love“- if a man’s type happens to be a good match, then excellent. If a man’s type happens to be a mismatch, then if a man pursues his type forevermore, he is doomed. If this is the case, better let go of type, and focus on love as deep, genuine appreciation and respect.

– I agreed. a good type comes with years of experience, knowing what you want in the relationship.

Back to the man I know irl: his type is a bossy woman, that’s the type of woman that wakes up his passion, his excitement, his desire.. but he ends up suffering each time. Should he keep going after his type, or should he… consider a woman who is a good match for him: what do you think?

– I know what you are trying to portrayed here. The man you mentioned comes with a very bad prerequisite towards relationship. Just like the old saying, man always likes bad woman, verse versa. As you mentioned early on, a good type comes with a good match, worth to pursue?

“Should I not look into whether she is my type but rather focus on her gf/wifey material, or I have to keep searching?“- if you want to get married and your type is not a wife material. better look for a wife material. And if you found it in your girlfriend, then.. there it is.

– yes i have to agreed, partially. get married with missing pieces? will that missing pieces reappeared or disappeared as i get older?

“I know many of you may tell me to be honest with her“- be honest with yourself: are you willing and able to be faithful to a woman who is a good match for you, even though she is not your type? If you are and you can, don’t tell her that she is not your type- that will hurt her feelings. Tell her that she is your idea or ideal of a wife-material, she would like to hear that very much, I imagine.

– totally agreed with this.

Thanks for the input and really appreciate it. I hope I don’t sound rebellious, I am trying to seek more opinions and views from internet.